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" And what am I?" Let's just leave it at that." Let's not," Shannon pushed back, uncharacteristically.She was pushing back a lot more these days. Her self-discipline restored, she would give herself no room to waffle. It meant being brutally introspective, and it meant forcing herself to be much more assertive than she was comfortable with.It was this or it was surrender. And she knew how close she was to that edge too. So she challenged Elizabeth to explain her meaning."You keep dropping these hooks," she continued, "about my test results. You take meticulous notes every time we talk. What's it all for? It doesn't make any sense. If I'm as weak and pathetic as you claim, then why would someone like you..."Someone commanding. Insightful. Bright. Too bright to simply be a college guidance counselor, Shannon had to conclude." ... why would you bother with me? You push me to follow Bethany into her world, the world of the privileged. Why? You seem sure that I'll fail, and I'm taking the. I asked her why shedidn't run away, or tell the police, and she couldn't tell me. I didn'tunderstand, but I wasn't about to get all authoritative on her, and I thinkshe appreciated it. The next day, a Thursday, I'd dropped her off at home andgone to school.I of course now faced a dilemma. Should I tell someone? Almost immediately Idecided that it was Alissa's decision and not mine, and chose not to tellanyone anything. But my mind had already started racing around all the time.I stopped sleeping well and became pretty jittery. I tried not to show itaround her but I think she knew that I was shaken.We stopped having sex. It had become apparent to both of us that she waspretty sick in the sex department, and it turned out she was kind ofterrified of it. That was why she'd always been so cavalier about it. Ithought of it as making love, but she was just lashing out by fucking, eventhough she loved me. So neither of us said anything, but it just came up lessand less. She seemed not to.
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